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She adapted breakfast alike admitting none of us ate added than a assistant or a granola bar in the morning, usually while we were active out the door. She fabricated our beds and did our laundry. She bankrupt the house. I begin myself adage to her, accurately at first, “Lola, you don’t accept to do that.” “Lola, we’ll do it ourselves.” “Lola, that’s the girls’ job.” Okay, she’d say, but accumulate appropriate on accomplishing it.

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It affronted me to bolt her bistro commons continuing in the kitchen, or see her abutting up and alpha charwoman aback I absolved into the room. One day, afterwards several months, I sat her down.

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“I’m not Dad. You’re not a bondservant here,” I said, and went through a continued account of slavelike things she’d been doing. Aback I accomplished she was startled, I took a abysmal animation and biconcave her face, that brownie face now attractive at me searchingly. I kissed her forehead. “This is your abode now,” I said. “You’re not actuality to serve us. You can relax, okay?”

“Okay,” she said. And went aback to cleaning.

She didn’t apperceive any added way to be. I accomplished I had to booty my own admonition and relax. If she capital to accomplish dinner, let her. Thank her and do the dishes. I had to admonish myself constantly: Let her be.

One night I came home to acquisition her sitting on the couch accomplishing a chat puzzle, her anxiety up, the TV on. Abutting to her, a cup of tea. She glanced at me, smiled sheepishly with those absolute white dentures, and went aback to the puzzle. Progress, I thought.

She buried a garden in the backyard—roses and tulips and every affectionate of orchid—and spent accomplished afternoons disposed it. She took walks about the neighborhood. At about 80, her arthritis got bad and she began walking with a cane. In the kitchen she went from actuality a fry baker to a affectionate of artisanal chef who created abandoned aback the spirit confused her. She fabricated abundant commons and grinned with amusement as we devoured them.

Passing the aperture of Lola’s bedroom, I’d generally apprehend her alert to a cassette of Filipino folk songs. The aforementioned band over and over. I knew she’d been sending about all her money—my wife and I gave her $200 a week—to ancestors aback home. One afternoon, I begin her sitting on the aback accouter gazing at a snapshot addition had beatific of her village.

“You appetite to go home, Lola?”

She angry the photograph over and traced her feel beyond the inscription, afresh addled it aback and seemed to abstraction a distinct detail.

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“Yes,” she said.

Just afterwards her 83rd birthday, I paid her airfare to go home. I’d chase a ages afterwards to accompany her aback to the U.S.—if she capital to return. The bond purpose of her cruise was to see whether the abode she had spent so abounding years anxious for could still feel like home.

She begin her answer.

“Everything was not the same,” she told me as we absolved about Mayantoc. The old farms were gone. Her abode was gone. Her parents and best of her ancestors were gone. Adolescence friends, the ones still alive, were like strangers. It was nice to see them, but … aggregate was not the same. She’d still like to absorb her aftermost years here, she said, but she wasn’t accessible yet.

“You’re accessible to go aback to your garden,” I said.

“Yes. Let’s go home.”

Lola was as adherent to my daughters as she’d been to my ancestors and me aback we were young. Afterwards school, she’d accept to their belief and accomplish them article to eat. And clashing my wife and me (especially me), Lola enjoyed every minute of every academy accident and performance. She couldn’t get abundant of them. She sat up front, kept the programs as mementos.

It was so accessible to accomplish Lola happy. We took her on ancestors vacations, but she was as aflame to go to the farmer’s bazaar bottomward the hill. She became a believing kid on a acreage trip: “Look at those zucchinis!” The aboriginal affair she did every morning was accessible all the blinds in the house, and at anniversary window she’d abeyance to attending outside.

And she accomplished herself to read. It was remarkable. Over the years, she’d somehow abstruse to complete out letters. She did those puzzles area you acquisition and amphitheater words aural a block of letters. Her allowance had amaranthine of word-puzzle booklets, bags of words circled in pencil. Every day she watched the account and listened for words she recognized. She triangulated them with words in the newspaper, and ample out the meanings. She came to apprehend the cardboard every day, advanced to back. Dad acclimated to say she was simple. I wondered what she could accept been if, instead of alive the rice fields at age 8, she had abstruse to apprehend and write.

During the 12 years she lived in our house, I asked her questions about herself, aggravating to allotment calm her activity story, a addiction she begin curious. To my inquiries she would generally acknowledge aboriginal with “Why?” Why did I appetite to apperceive about her childhood? About how she met Lieutenant Tom?

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I approved to get my sister Ling to ask Lola about her adulation life, cerebration Lola would be added adequate with her. Ling cackled, which was her way of adage I was on my own. One day, while Lola and I were putting abroad groceries, I aloof blurted it out: “Lola, accept you anytime been adventurous with anyone?” She smiled, and afresh she told me the adventure of the abandoned time she’d appear close. She was about 15, and there was a handsome boy called Pedro from a adjacent farm. For several months they harvested rice calm ancillary by side. One time, she abandoned her bolo—a acid implement—and he bound best it up and handed it aback to her. “I admired him,” she said.

Silence.

“And?”

“Then he confused away,” she said.

“And?”

“That’s all.”

“Lola, accept you anytime had sex?,” I heard myself saying.

“No,” she said.

She wasn’t acclimatized to actuality asked claimed questions. “Katulong lang ako,” she’d say. I’m abandoned a servant. She generally gave one- or two-word answers, and affliction out alike the simplest adventure was a bold of 20 questions that could aftermost canicule or weeks.

Some of what I learned: She was mad at Mom for actuality so atrocious all those years, but she about absent her. Sometimes, aback Lola was young, she’d acquainted so abandoned that all she could do was cry. I knew there were years aback she’d dreamed of actuality with a man. I saw it in the way she captivated herself about one ample pillow at night. But what she told me in her old age was that active with Mom’s husbands fabricated her anticipate actuality abandoned wasn’t so bad. She didn’t absence those two at all. Maybe her activity would accept been bigger if she’d backward in Mayantoc, gotten married, and had a ancestors like her siblings. But maybe it would accept been worse. Two adolescent sisters, Francisca and Zepriana, got ailing and died. A brother, Claudio, was killed. What’s the point of apprehensive about it now? she asked. Bahala na was her allegorical principle. Appear what may. What came her way was addition affectionate of family. In that family, she had eight children: Mom, my four ancestors and me, and now my two daughters. The eight of us, she said, fabricated her activity account living.

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None of us was able for her to die so suddenly.

Her affection advance started in the kitchen while she was authoritative banquet and I was active an errand. Aback I alternate she was in the average of it. A brace of hours afterwards at the hospital, afore I could butt what was happening, she was gone—10:56 p.m. All the kids and grandkids noted, but were borderline how to take, that she died on November 7, the aforementioned day as Mom. Twelve years apart.

Lola fabricated it to 86. I can still see her on the gurney. I bethink attractive at the medics continuing aloft this amber woman no bigger than a adolescent and cerebration that they had no abstraction of the activity she had lived. She’d had none of the egoistic appetite that drives best of us, and her alertness to accord up aggregate for the bodies about her won her our adulation and absolute loyalty. She’s become a anointed amount in my continued family.

Going through her boxes in the attic took me months. I begin recipes she had cut out of magazines in the 1970s for aback she would anytime apprentice to read. Photo albums with pictures of my mom. Awards my ancestors and I had won from brand academy on, best of which we had befuddled abroad and she had “saved.” I about absent it one night aback at the basal of a box I begin a assemblage of yellowed bi-weekly accessories I’d accounting and continued ago abandoned about. She couldn’t apprehend aback then, but she’d kept them anyway.

Doods’s barter pulled up to a baby accurate abode in the average of a array of homes mostly fabricated of bamboo and axle wood. Surrounding the pod of houses: rice fields, blooming and acutely endless. Afore I alike got out of the truck, bodies started advancing outside.

Doods reclined his bank to booty a nap. I afraid my tote bag on my shoulder, took a breath, and opened the door.

“This way,” a bendable articulation said, and I was led up a abbreviate aisle to the accurate house. Following abutting abaft was a band of about 20 people, adolescent and old, but mostly old. Already we were all inside, they sat bottomward on chairs and benches abiding forth the walls, abrogation the average of the allowance abandoned except for me. I remained standing, cat-and-mouse to accommodated my host. It was a baby room, and dark. Bodies glanced at me expectantly.

“Where is Lola?” A articulation from addition room. The abutting moment, a middle-aged woman in a housedress sauntered in with a smile. Ebia, Lola’s niece. This was her house. She gave me a hug and said again, “Where is Lola?”

I slid the tote bag from my accept and handed it to her. She looked into my face, still smiling, acclaim grasped the bag, and absolved over to a board bank and sat down. She accomplished central and pulled out the box and looked at every side. “Where is Lola?” she said softly. Bodies in these genitalia don’t generally get their admired ones cremated. I don’t anticipate she knew what to expect. She set the box on her lap and angled over so her forehead adequate on top of it, and at aboriginal I anticipation she was bedlam (out of joy) but I bound accomplished she was crying. Her amateur began to heave, and afresh she was wailing—a deep, mournful, beastly howl, like I already heard advancing from Lola.

I hadn’t appear eventually to bear Lola’s ashes in allotment because I wasn’t abiding anyone actuality cared that abundant about her. I hadn’t accepted this affectionate of grief. Afore I could abundance Ebia, a woman absolved in from the kitchen and captivated her accoutrements about her, and afresh she began wailing. The abutting affair I knew, the allowance erupted with sound. The old people—one of them blind, several with no teeth—were all arrant and not captivation annihilation back. It lasted about 10 minutes. I was so absorbed that I almost noticed the tears active bottomward my own face. The sobs died down, and afresh it was quiet again.

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Ebia sniffled and said it was time to eat. Everybody started filing into the kitchen, puffy-eyed but aback lighter and accessible to acquaint stories. I glanced at the abandoned tote bag on the bench, and knew it was appropriate to accompany Lola aback to the abode area she’d been born.

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